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THE ELUSIVE GIFT OF TRAGEDY
by
Regina Rose Murphy

It wasn’t long after John started Junior High that I began receiving calls from the school because of his outbursts and truancy, which resulted in many parent-teacher conferences. John had become very hard to handle and was expelled from school. He had to attend what is called “Opportunity School,” which is a school for students who are expelled from the regular school system for behavioral problems and truancy.

John Sr. decided he could do a better job than me of parenting and wanted to try. We were all at a loss as to how to help John, who was in desperate need for any kind of attention from his dad, so he moved into his father’s house. I saw him often during that time he stayed at his father’s house, but on September 19, 1998, I got a call all mother’s dread. “John has been hit by a car.” I freaked out before I heard the words, “but he’s okay.”

John Sr. and I both rushed to the hospital, to learn that John’s knee was severely damaged. He’d been hit by a car while walking in a crosswalk to get to the school bus. It was before 7 a.m., around sunrise, and the bright early morning sun had blinded the driver.

Because I was a practitioner in the healing arts and a massage therapist, John Sr. let me take my son home with me from the hospital so I could take care of him. Also, I was glad to be able to pamper him again.

That knee injury would play a huge and pivotal role in his life right up until the end, and became a backdrop for many key-learning experiences in his soul growth. I learned later that the car accident was one of four possible exit points1 for my son.

The spring came in with new hopes and challenges as the teen years were getting into full swing. I had just worked at a spiritual fair, giving free demonstrations of Reiki. At this fair, I worked with a woman, Julie, who told me of a modality developed by a Dr. Kenneth Fabian that she believed helped her stay alive and survive after her diagnosis of being bipolar. She piqued my interest and spent days teaching me so I could use this technique with my son. It is called “Deep Feeling Contact” or “Bonding”. It seemed too simple to work but I was going to try it anyway. The process involves using your left eye to look intently into the left eye of the “unbonded person,” as the website calls “the subject,” with an intense emotion of sadness. (This was also known as “Soul Contact” and Steve Rother teaches this technique in one of his seminars.)

The process works by activating the emotions to begin the maturation process. This should occur naturally during the initial bonding process between mother and child in the first few days after birth. Of course, in John’s case, I didn’t get to hold him until twelve days after his birth and he was blindfolded, so the time for the natural bonding process was over. Dr. Kenneth Fabian now has great success using this process exclusively with children with autism.

John’s outbursts were getting worse by the day and his humiliation after his episodes was destroying his self-esteem. Clearly he did not want to behave that way and felt extremely bad whenever he did, so Fabian’s therapy was worth the try. My plan was a “five-dollar bribe” for a “one-minute experiment.” Since it was the long Easter weekend, money was an easy bribe. The experiment was planned for Holy Thursday and Julie was going to witness the technique to be sure I was doing it properly. The day arrived and everything went according to plan. John was “Bonded” and out the door he went to hang out with his friends. John’s 15-year-old cousin was spending the weekend with us because her mother was out of town on business. She told me she would be interested in the experiment if she could also have the same “five-dollar” financial reward. Her birth had been even more traumatic than John’s and her emotional development seemed stunted as well. I didn’t see any harm in “Bonding” her as well, so I did the same process with her and then forgot about it.

The next day was Good Friday and all the kids were out of school. I had a one o’clock massage and was in my healing room. (Since I didn’t charge for my massages, I worked out of my home.) John told me that he and his friends were going to the mall and the niece who I’d “Bonded” said she’d be close by in the neighborhood, visiting friends. Just as I was finishing the massage, John burst into the massage room screaming that my niece was in the middle of the street unconscious and that a neighbor had called an ambulance. Apparently, she’d been drinking vodka and was almost dead of alcohol poisoning. I was naive about how much drinking and drugs were being used at that time by all of the kids in the neighborhood. Within a month of this incident, a warning appeared on the website NOT to use this procedure with teenagers. The website had only previously warned to keep a close eye on them. I didn’t realize the danger I’d put my son and niece in.

On the positive side, after we’d all recovered from the trauma of that weekend, John was able to control his emotions enough for us to live a more normal life. We could finally go out in public without the fear of a scene, and I never received another bad conduct report from school again. As a matter of fact, he actually got an “A” in conduct after that. To go from 64 parent/teacher conferences in one year to an “A” in conduct the next is no small miracle. We were also finally able to go out to eat together as a family and take vacations without fear of his behavior problems. We even scheduled a trip to Disneyland in Florida for his next birthday. He was still an argumentative spirit, and always loved to make a point, sometimes too loudly. The difference was that now he could control himself. He was choosing to do that instead of acting without control. He was pleased about this, and no longer felt ashamed after an outburst.

I have used this procedure of “Bonding” many times since with incredible results but I avoid “Bonding” anyone in the teenage years because of what happened to my niece. I still highly recommend that clients learn more about this procedure. In those days, Energy Medicine and its exponential power were still a long way from my comprehension, but my using this simple procedure did not go unnoticed. Dr. Kenneth Fabian gave me a beautiful gift in Bonding that became a foundation I could build upon. I am forever grateful to him and to Julie, who introduced me to his work.

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